Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
