I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
