I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
