In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
