I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
