i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
