11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
