If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
so much tequila, so little girl.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
