i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Are we still banned from the library?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
