I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
