But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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