its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
