Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
