He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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