He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
