My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
