apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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