So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
