I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
