so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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