Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I still have a little drunk in my system
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
