I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
