we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
