Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's never too late to be topless.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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