dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
