i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
