Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
