I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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