My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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