the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
