I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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