i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
