I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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