I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
