Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
