I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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