do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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