he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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