If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
