i permit you to call me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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