Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she looked like the before picture.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
