i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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