i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
