Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
