If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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