it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
