it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
