Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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