Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
