I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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