I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We talked him into tasing himself.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
