i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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